My apartment is a mess; not that i find it any surprising. I kinda like it living in a messy place; it's not chaotic though; as I try to keep it sorta clean; but it still looks messy. I dont really care though; I understand my own mess and I could say I kinda have some order in this mess. I know where to find anything I want, and it makes sense to me. What makes me feel bad is when somebody comes home; for the moment just my bf has come to my place, and stares at my house; being all messy. I feel really bad; of course I try to clean and organize a little before he comes, but it still doesn't look all pretty; and when he makes some comment about it, kinda hinting my house is messy or is dirty I feel like shit; and feel even worse if he helps with the cleaning and organizing; makes me feel uncivilized. Weird thing.
The thing is, when I used to live with my parents I never had to make a real effort to clean anything. We always had housekeepers; when we were kids we had this sort of housekeeper/nanny thing, all day long, all week; except maybe the weekends, and when we grew bigger we just had a housekeeper that came home in the mornings, cleaned, did the laundry and left; my mom always did the cooking. When we couldn't afford having a maid come daily, they came like twice or thrice a week, the rest of the week we tried not to get the place dirty; I then learnt to make my bed and I later learnt to do my laundry; I just put everything inside the washing machine and then to the dryer and that's all. From time to time I helped washing the dishes; but that was as far as I went in helping with housekeeping. I didn't do a great job with the cleaning, but it was decent enough. I've always been a failure when it comes to cleaning. I remember that when I was at elementary and junior high; if you made a mess like dropping juice or something, you had to go ask for a mop and clean your mess. I've always been quite clumsy and drop everything to the floor, so I had to go often and asked for the mop, and made the effort to clean my mess; but my friends always took my mop and cleaned it for me; I guess because I sucked that they felt pity and cleaned my mess.
After 21 years of having people do everything for you; and then you move out, and you cant afford the same luxury; you become aware that if you dont do it, then no one else will; and that you deserve a clean and nice place to live. I've tried really hard to keep my apartment clean; but of course, there's always something missing, something messy, something dirty... it's the never ending story!! After wasting my whole day cleaning, and I think that maybe I finally finished, there's always something I forgot to do, or someting left to clean or organize. It's frustrating! And the conditions of the apartment sometimes get me upset, you start seeing so many wrong things with it; even if it's notso bad... I'm not gonna do something about it to make it better; I'll just try to keep it the way it is. I got a furnitured apartment, at least for the first year, it's easier that way, and then if all things go well I could consider getting an empty apartment and start furnishing myself with my taste and repairing all that needs to be repaired; but i'm not gonna do that any time soon, till i get a decent job and decide that I'll settle down in Montevideo. My idea so far is to settle here. I've moved to a lot of houses, to a lot of places; our family moved a lot, and I don't have an idea of what it feels to be in the same house, or same city for a long time, and getting to know the neighbors and all that normal stuff. I'm also becoming tired of changes; I think I need a pause in my life, to be more of a "normal" person. I still need a job; but I need to get my residence first; I hope to solve that issue this month; and once I get my residence I'll start actively looking for a job. I was thinking on getting an apprenticeship with some photographer; get some cheap salary, but enough to pay the bills; not the rent though, maybe I'll have to ask my dad for help.
Anyway; today is cleaning day; I hate that; but I need to get this mess organized... I want to keep it clean; more than that; I have to get this cleaning thing to become a habit; something I need to do, and do instinctly so I can live in a decent place, to be constantly clean and not suffer from having the whole weekend just for cleaning.
The thing is, when I used to live with my parents I never had to make a real effort to clean anything. We always had housekeepers; when we were kids we had this sort of housekeeper/nanny thing, all day long, all week; except maybe the weekends, and when we grew bigger we just had a housekeeper that came home in the mornings, cleaned, did the laundry and left; my mom always did the cooking. When we couldn't afford having a maid come daily, they came like twice or thrice a week, the rest of the week we tried not to get the place dirty; I then learnt to make my bed and I later learnt to do my laundry; I just put everything inside the washing machine and then to the dryer and that's all. From time to time I helped washing the dishes; but that was as far as I went in helping with housekeeping. I didn't do a great job with the cleaning, but it was decent enough. I've always been a failure when it comes to cleaning. I remember that when I was at elementary and junior high; if you made a mess like dropping juice or something, you had to go ask for a mop and clean your mess. I've always been quite clumsy and drop everything to the floor, so I had to go often and asked for the mop, and made the effort to clean my mess; but my friends always took my mop and cleaned it for me; I guess because I sucked that they felt pity and cleaned my mess.
After 21 years of having people do everything for you; and then you move out, and you cant afford the same luxury; you become aware that if you dont do it, then no one else will; and that you deserve a clean and nice place to live. I've tried really hard to keep my apartment clean; but of course, there's always something missing, something messy, something dirty... it's the never ending story!! After wasting my whole day cleaning, and I think that maybe I finally finished, there's always something I forgot to do, or someting left to clean or organize. It's frustrating! And the conditions of the apartment sometimes get me upset, you start seeing so many wrong things with it; even if it's notso bad... I'm not gonna do something about it to make it better; I'll just try to keep it the way it is. I got a furnitured apartment, at least for the first year, it's easier that way, and then if all things go well I could consider getting an empty apartment and start furnishing myself with my taste and repairing all that needs to be repaired; but i'm not gonna do that any time soon, till i get a decent job and decide that I'll settle down in Montevideo. My idea so far is to settle here. I've moved to a lot of houses, to a lot of places; our family moved a lot, and I don't have an idea of what it feels to be in the same house, or same city for a long time, and getting to know the neighbors and all that normal stuff. I'm also becoming tired of changes; I think I need a pause in my life, to be more of a "normal" person. I still need a job; but I need to get my residence first; I hope to solve that issue this month; and once I get my residence I'll start actively looking for a job. I was thinking on getting an apprenticeship with some photographer; get some cheap salary, but enough to pay the bills; not the rent though, maybe I'll have to ask my dad for help.
Anyway; today is cleaning day; I hate that; but I need to get this mess organized... I want to keep it clean; more than that; I have to get this cleaning thing to become a habit; something I need to do, and do instinctly so I can live in a decent place, to be constantly clean and not suffer from having the whole weekend just for cleaning.
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